Enneagram #9 The Peacemaker

hey guys super excited to wrap up our series called you and we saved the best for last the nines the peacemaker and the reason that we picked him to be last is because we knew they wouldn’t start a fight with us because we made them last so we’re super grateful for all of our peacemakers in our church man we’re so grateful for you we love you so much look I’m gonna challenge you today I hopefully I’m gonna inspire you to be all that God has called you to be but peacemakers are absolutely amazing we’re gonna look at an incredible peacemaker in your Bibles let’s open our Bibles up to Genesis chapter 18 verses 20 through 33 it’s interesting that when God starts our faith he chooses a nine to begin with somebody who has a heart for peacemaking who has a heart to literally see both sides and just be an incredible incredible person but it takes an extraordinary person to negotiate peace with God and that’s where our story begins Genesis 18 chapter or Scott chapter 18 verse 20 it says so the Lord told Abraham I have heard a great outcry from Sodom and Gomorrah because their sin is so flagrant look the reality is Sodom and Gomorrah is probably the two most famous cities in the history of the world for all the wrong reasons they did everything wrong we’re terrible terrible centers so bad that it got the attention of God in heaven and literally he’s gonna come down and take a look to see if it’s as bad as he’s heard and so here we have God preemptively looking at the city to see if he’s gonna destroy it and destroy it and ultimately he does but he’s going to send down some representatives three angels to check it out for himself so here we are in verse 21 God says I’m gonna go down and see if their actions are as wicked as I have heard if not I want to know so he’s getting all these reports and God says I want to see for myself what’s happening on earth the other men turned and headed towards Sodom but the Lord remained with Abraham and here goes one of the most classic peace summits in the history of the world you think about what’s happening between the United States and North Korea and all the tenseness really revolving around you know nuclear war or peace and and and and and this is basically what’s happening here God’s gonna bring down nuclear war on Sodom and Gomorrah and Abraham is interceding and he’s gonna try to talk God out of destroying the most wicked City on a wicked planet called Earth and so here’s where this it begins this is a classic classic nein Abraham approached him and said will you sweep away both the righteous and the wicked so you think God are you gonna kill you know everybody I mean surely not everybody in Sodom and Gomorrah is a wicked and so listen what Abraham says suppose you find 50 righteous people living there in the city now we don’t know exactly how many people lived in the city because it’s ultimately it’s destroyed but it’s a massive city it’s two cities joined together and literally we’re talking about thousands and thousands of people and so Abraham says look are you gonna kill everybody I mean surely they’re not all bad apples he says what if there’s 50 righteous people living in the city surely you wouldn’t do such a thing destroying both the righteous along with the wicked why would you be treating the righteous and the wicked exactly the same surely you wouldn’t do that should not the judge of all the earth do what’s right so here Abraham is he’s challenging the goodness of God and he’s saying look not everybody can be bad they can’t all be bad apples and he’s trying to negotiate a peace treaty between God the righteous and Almighty and the wicked city of Sodom here’s what’s amazing is God says the Lord replied if I find 50 righteous people living in Sodom I will spare the entire city for their sake so if there’s just 50 good apples amongst all the rotten ones I won’t judge them but here’s the problem Sodom was pretty bad and so Abraham knows this so Abraham continues again since I had begun let me speak further to my lord even though I am but dust and ashes suppose there are only forty five righteous people rather than fifty will you destroyed the whole city for a lack of five and the Lord said I will and then Abraham pressed his request further suppose there are only 40 and the Lord replied I will not destroy it for the sake of forty people forty people he says please don’t be angry my lord Abraham pleaded let me speak again suppose there are only thirty righteous people that are be found so we’ve gone from fifty to forty five to 14 hours skipping in ten person increments and the Lord replied I will not destroy if there’s only 30 people in Sodom and Gomorrha and then Abraham said since I have dared to speak to the Lord let me continue suppose there only and you got it to start laughing now suppose only 20 people and the Lord replied then I will not destroy it for the sake of 20 finally Abraham said Lord please don’t be angry with me if I speak one more time suppose there are only 10 righteous people there and the Lord replied then I will not destroy the city for the sake of the ten when the Lord had finished his conversation with Abraham he went on his way and Abraham returned to his tent now we know from the Bible and from history that there weren’t ten righteous people in this city and let me just say this you got to be really really careful about the environment and and the people that you surround yourself with because a lot of people sit say well I’m going to be a witness to the unrighteous I’m gonna be the good person in the bad Bunch but the Bible says that bad company corrupts good character and so here’s the reality everybody was bad and saw them in Tamura nobody was good there weren’t even ten righteous people in the entire city think about that that’s like 99.99999 percent of everybody was evil and awful it was so bad when the Lord sent his messengers to the city to see it for themselves the residents of the city here’s what the Bible says every grown man tried to rape the angels think about that that’s how bad it was all of the men in the city came out to destroy God’s angels but here’s Abraham trying to negotiate a peace trying to find a position to where he can avoid the conflict avoid the destruction and you have to you know you have to see it from Abraham’s point of view I mean surely God’s will is always no war you know a lot of people say this you know war is never the answer and my response is well what’s the question sometimes war is the answer now we need to avoid it at all costs but sometimes you know even God demands there’s war so the peace map maker reflects God’s peace these are beautiful wonderful amazing people the basic desire of the peacemaker is to be at peace and write this down to avoid conflict okay to avoid conflict and healthy space for people to thrive now my wife and I we’ve taken the same tests that you have and my wife’s nine score is almost non-existent and I have to pretend I have nine so that there’s some kind of peace in our households both my wife and I like zero five and zero nines and so what that means is we don’t withhold any thought we we share everything you know that comes into our minds and we’re you know we’re ready to scrap you know quicker than peace and so I’ve had to manufacture a nine in my my life to cry to try to negotiate you know our marriage so be thankful for 9s ma’am 9s are peacemakers they want everybody to get along they want everybody to be okay they want to create a healthy space where you can be you and you can thrive and you can be all that God has created you to be they’re wonderful beautiful amazing people and this is why God chose Abraham literally to begin his work because Abraham is going to be able to see both sides now when healthy look at this when healthy Nine’s the peacemakers they see multiple signs multiple sides to any given decision or scenario so if you’re raising a nine you got a kid who’s an eye and they’re gonna say why hear what you’re saying mom or dad but have you thought about this what about this perspective or what about that perspective Nine’s are the least judgmental personality type they can always find some good or almost always find some good in somebody’s situation and we think about Abraham we’re talking about Sodom and Gomorrah here the most evil city and the most evil people of all time and Abraham’s like Lord may be you God Almighty omniscient all-powerful all-knowing maybe you’ve overlooked 50 45 40 30 25 maybe you’ve overlooked 10 people and God says nope if there’s even 10 people I won’t destroy the city so healthy nines see multiple sides to any given decision or scenario they can see it from multiple angles now think about it they sit right next to the eight and here’s what’s so amazing they’re so close to the eight but they’re so far away right the eight sees one way their way or it’s the highway the nine sees multiple routes that can be taken and how we can all get to the same place so here’s what’s amazing about the Knights here’s what I love about them they’re inclusive they’re great to be a part of a team healthy nines our fan stick as ministers in our church or staff members in our church when they’re healthy they want to be a part of a team they want everybody to get the credit right they’re not all about themselves they’re about the team they’re about moving the ball forward together they’re inclusive they’re not going to exclude anybody they want to make sure that everybody’s apart everybody’s opinion is valued and everybody gets an opportunity to contribute so they’re inclusive next their patient right their patient and accepting of others men nines are great parents right when you know the rest of us want to literally strangle our two year old nines like well they’re learning to find themselves and they’re sowing their Wild Oats as a two-year-old the rest was like nope that kid needs a beating the nines like well let’s give it a little time and let’s sit back and see what God does they’re just so patient and so amazing with the rest of us so maybe the eight has very little patience the nine has literally just overflows with patience for people so Abraham knows how evil you know the city of Sodom is but he’s like maybe if we just give them a chance they’ll get better literally maybe if we just you know God you go down and speak to them maybe they’ll repent and change here’s the next thing about nines and here’s what I love about them 9s are good listeners man if you want to sit down and be heard find a nine they are great listeners they care about your heart they care about your feelings they love your story there are fantastic fantastic listeners and that’s just how they’re so gifted like many of us you know I’m a three you know I have a hard time listening cuz I know what we got to do and I got I know where we got to go right I got high seven I want to go to have fun you know I’m high eight so my idea is better than yours anyway so let’s just move on nines are beautiful they want to hear your story they want to come alongside so I’ve had to work at listening nines are just naturally gifted at it they make great friends so when you’re hurt or you’re upset and you want to share your feelings man they’re there to listen here’s what’s amazing they’re great mediators right that’s what Abraham does they’re a mediator Christ is our mediator and so they try to bring two conflicting people or situations together they just are naturally gifted at finding peace and what they can do is they can see where two parties who are polarized or both are right in an area and they can get them to agree to a common ground or a common good so if you’re nine that’s just a great great way you know you could be a marriage counselor or a mediator for a court and try to find you know a way for two hostile parties to work together if you have a child who’s a nine and there’s multiple siblings they’re always negotiating the peace you know when the eights want to kill the threes or the threes want to kill the eights you know the nine is trying to find common ground absolutely fantastic when healthy eights are considerate of the perspective of others so last week we talked about the eight doesn’t see your perspective doesn’t necessarily care about your perspective because their perspective is the right perspective and you need to get on board with that the nine they may not agree with you but they care about your perspective and they might be able to learn something or see it from your perspective and that’s just absolutely amazing they care about your opinion they care about your ideas they care about your contribution to the team and so they make sure that you have room to be heard next they desire to see the world as a more peaceful place and who doesn’t I mean don’t we need peace we need peace in the world we need it almost everywhere and so Nine’s play an important important role not only in the world listen to me in the church the church is full of conflict the church is full of division and we need nines to bring us together to remind us of our common cause to remind us of our common purpose and to remind us of our common Lord and so nines are very very wise and they’re so needed literally when some of us are ready to get divorced we’re ready to give up on our kids we’re ready to leave the church maybe you’re ready to quit your job or you’re just fed up with your own life an EIN can help you to see the other side they can help you see something that you’re missing and so nines are just great great people to bounce things off of what do you what do you think about this or if you’re you know you’re trying to figure out between a and B and you’re not sure the nine can literally help you come up with a list of pros and cons for both and they’re fantastic fantastic that’s when they’re healthy now when a nine becomes unhealthy okay there’s a huge shift here so when healthy they’re great friends great mediators great peacemakers when they’re unhealthy they will avoid conflict at all cost and you say what could be so with that sometimes people need to be confronted like for example you can’t negotiate peace with Adolf Hitler you can’t do it the world tried and when they did that millions of people died and so there are sometimes there’s evil there’s situations where you can’t avoid it you have to have conflict you know you can pray for peace you could hope for peace you can work for peace but sometimes there has to be you know literally a conflict you have to confront someone or something you can’t pray that it goes away and so they will avoid conflict at all costs and literally you know Nine’s don’t commit sins by doing things oftentimes their sin is not doing something so they don’t get involved they don’t participate they walk away and because of that somebody gets beat up or hurt or a sinned against or is wronged and so literally you know there’s two types of sins in the Bible sins of commission that’s things we commit but then there’s sins of omission things we don’t do and so if you’re a nine oftentimes nines believe falsely that they’re good people and here’s why because I haven’t done anything wrong okay listen to me when you stand before God you’re not just gonna be held accountable for what you what you did do you’re gonna be held accountable for what you didn’t do and so in the parable of the talents there’s three talents one with ten five and one with two the one with two talents is judged because he buried his talent in the ground it did nothing with it and God says you wicked and lazy servant so you need to know I’ve got to do something I can’t just I can’t live my life avoiding everything I have to engage I have to be active next when unhealthy a nine doesn’t declare their own needs and this can be really frustrating because you can ask a nine where do you want to go out to eat and they say I don’t care they do they care okay they care and and if you’re not careful what they’re gonna do is they’re gonna be upset with you because you never asked where they want to go so you have to say what are your thoughts what are your needs how do you care when we sit around a meeting at Sandals Church and I know there are nines present literally the eights are gonna tell me what we should do the threes are gonna tell me how they’re right right the sevens want to hurry up and get done with the decision so we can go have fun and do something you know that they wanted to do but the nines they’ll just sit there and here’s the thing sometimes the nine has the best decision or the best idea but they won’t declare it they won’t say it and because of that the church misses out the group misses out your family misses out you miss out because the eights are always gonna think they know what to do and okay let’s be fair they’re usually right but man those gems those great ideas those great thoughts oftentimes come from the nine so with a nine if you’re married to a nine you have to say how are you really feeling are those really your thoughts and you have to create a safe place because they won’t tell you they won’t tell you they want you to read their mind they want you to know them they want you to understand you know how you should act and they won’t declare it and that creates conflict because here’s the thing none of us knows how anyone feels until they share it so a nine won’t declare their own needs and here’s the thing when they don’t declare their own needs and they’re unhealthy they become write this down passive-aggressive right so when nine is never gonna punch you in the face they’re gonna do it like you know through the internet or through a story or some way they’re gonna get at you in a passive-aggressive way so they’ll smile yep that’s the greatest idea ever but when they’re unhealthy they’re gonna get you later they’re gonna strike when nobody’s looking and so you have to be very very careful so especially if you’re an eight and you’re married to a nine so you’re always dominating you’re always in control and the nines just going along with the ride sooner or later here’s what happens the nine is going to strike back be upset and so here’s what happens if you’re nine you don’t share you don’t share you don’t share you don’t share and then when you do share you’re done you’re done because you’ve never declared you’ve never said I don’t like this I don’t like that I don’t want to go there and by the time you get to the place where you can’t withhold it anymore the relationships so broken it’s so messed up there’s no hope so you have to declare you have to say here’s how I feel and and just so you know you’re not gonna want to because sharing how you feel oftentimes leads to conflict so when unhealthy the nine can become stubborn I want you to think of the nine as an elephant right when elephants you know motivated they’re powerful now they’re never gonna be a sprinter okay elephants don’t sprint but when they move they’re very very powerful when a9 is healthy they can do great things literally they can move obstacles that you never thought to be moved but let me tell you something about an elephant if it sits and it doesn’t want to move it won’t move and here’s the thing with nines they can be powerful at going nowhere and so here’s the thing if an EIN is unhealthy they’ll tell you yep yep I’ll do that I’ll go there we can do that and then they will sit and they won’t go and you’ll be totally frustrated because you’re like I don’t understand a nine lies not because they’re a liar but they lie because they don’t want conflict so they’ll tell you yes I’ll do that yes I think we should do that yes I think we should go there yes I think that’s a good idea but you can always tell what a nine really thinks by what they’re doing so if they’re sitting and they refuse to move and and here’s what the nine says the nine they’re just gonna outlast you they’re gonna outlast you think about if you pulled as hard as you get I don’t care if you’re an eight pull on an elephant trying to make an elephant go get behind it push it tug it do do whatever it takes man with all your power an unhealthy ate or unhealthy nine can sit forever and they can outlast you and that’s what they do when they’re on healthy and you know so just know that so here’s their course in and here’s why it’s so powerful for the nine and their ability to sit and not do something their course sin is laziness okay now some of you are offended by that and let me just say this if you’re not offended by the course in it’s not yours you just gotta know that if it doesn’t rub you the wrong way it’s not your sin all of these sins when mission mention if it’s you you don’t like it so the course sin is laziness now nines can be productive they can exercise eat well and do all those things and so you might say well well I don’t see where laziness shows up in my life so for some nines it’s very very easy you’re a couch potato you don’t exercise you don’t care take care of your body you don’t have a high drive you don’t have a high motor you’re like yep that’s me I literally you know my best day is doing nothing you know you’re Jim Gaffigan one of my favorite comics you know clearly a nine and he’s made a lot of money doing nothing but he’s funny but that might be hard for you to identify with so here let me give you a couple words that maybe help you to identify how laziness affects in your life the course in term laziness is manifested through indecision I just don’t know what I should do so I’m not gonna do anything okay an indecision can literally lead to paralyzation you can become paralyzed and that’s what happens to a nine is they don’t know what to do so they don’t do anything I don’t know what I should do for a career so I won’t have a career I don’t know what major I should pick in college so I won’t graduate from college I don’t know who I should date so I won’t date and that’s literally what can happen and you just stop remember the sitting elephant you stop and you don’t do anything so that’s indecision next is inaction they’re just not gonna do it so that’s where laziness comes you know what you should do but you don’t do it you know what you know you have a list of ten things you should do and just like no I’m not gonna do that I’m not going to take action on that and so that’s how it manifests your life somebody can tell you you should eat better you’re like yeah but you don’t you should work out yep but you don’t you should try this yep but you don’t right you should pray more you should read your Bible more and you just don’t do it you don’t take action on what you know you should do so that’s one of the way it’s laziness and next is procrastination now all of us probably procrastinate a little bit but the nines are great they will come up with literally a thousand things that they need to do to not do what they know they should do and so that’s how laziness is you’re gonna literally do all kinds of things and avoid the one thing so like if a nine has a term paper due they’re gonna clean their dorm room they’re gonna you know make sure that they talk to that friend they’ve never talked to they’re gonna do all kinds of things to avoid the one thing they’re supposed to be doing so the course centered laziness not doing the important or necessary things required for growth look relationships are hard there you have to work through it to require growth you know studying your Bible it’s hard but that’s what it takes to grow there are all kinds of things you need to do to grow and then nine will not do what they need to do but oftentimes will focus on what they want but what you want is not always healthy so here’s the beauty of a healthy peacemaker a healthy peacemaker is always in pursuit of embracing conflict look you’re never gonna love it and that’s okay you know I don’t particularly love conflict I’m not a high high eight but you have to embrace it sometimes you have to have conflict to work it out so if you never have conflict in your marriage and so a lot of nines will say well we never fight about anything and then all of a sudden 15 20 years later they’ll say this we just grew apart well the reason you grew apart is because you were never willing to engage and have the tough conversations to declare what you like or how you feel so a healthy peacemaker is always in pursuit of embracing healthy conflict so you have to ask yourself okay I don’t want to I don’t want to do this because it’s gonna lead to a fight it’s gonna lead to conflict but is this gonna lead to a positive outcome next they have to declare their wants and their needs as a mean of means of deeper connection with themselves and others people can’t love you if they don’t know you and the primary way we get to know you is we need to clear things here’s how I think here’s how I feel here’s what I want so especially if you have multiple kids and you have a child that’s a 9 they’re never gonna say what their favorite ice cream is they’re just gonna eat what everybody else wants they’re just gonna do what everybody else does and that’s not good for life because God’s created you even if you’re a 9 as an individual you have your own likes your own dislikes you have your own needs your own wants your own desires and you’ve got to learn to declare that because a 9 can just slip in with other people and never be who God’s called them to be so a healthy peacemaker is always in pursuit of embracing conflict and declaring their wants and needs as a means of deeper connection so let’s talk about that in regards to Abraham’s Abraham is this great peacemaker right so it’s always a good thing no it’s not always a good thing so Abraham has two wives Sarah his first wife and Hagar a servant that he eventually takes on as a concubine but she gets pregnant with a son named Ishmael and so there’s conflict between Sarah and Hagar and so here’s what Sarah says Sarah says I want you to get rid of Hagar and your son Ishmael now here’s what a healthy nine would do hey you know Sarah I can understand how you want me to do this but you’re the one that asked me to have a child with Hagar right but a nine is not going to do that they’re not going to be declarative and here’s what Abraham doesn’t do he doesn’t say I really really care from my son Ishmael he matters to me I love him I care for him deeply he never declares his needs and so to maintain the peace in his home here’s what he does he sentences Hagar and Ishmael to death that’s what he does because he can’t declare his own needs another time he has conflict with his nephew lot and so here he is he’s brought Waddell along lot has no money no influence no power underneath Abraham’s leadership Locke grows and wealth bloc grows in power lot grows in all kinds of ways but they’re their work people their herdsmen start fighting and there’s conflict and so here’s what Abraham says look I man I don’t want to fight he says I want you to choose if you choose the left I’ll choose the right if you choose the right I’ll choose the left Abraham says wherever you go I won’t go and ultimately that leads to the doom of law and his family because Abraham doesn’t confront his spoiled nephew and say look this is a problem listen to me you little sucker I’ve given you everything you have and you’re a spoiled brat and now it’s time to listen to me he doesn’t do that and Lots constantly in trouble and and literally listen me nines because he doesn’t confront lot lot literally is cursed for generations because he doesn’t have an uncle that speaks into his life and so if you’re a nine you’re not gonna want to speak into your nephews life you’re not gonna want to declare to your sons or your daughters because you don’t want to cause conflict you don’t want to ruffle the feathers but if you don’t do that you are creating a disaster for the future of the people that you love listen to me it’s not easy to confront your kids but you need to because you need to raise your kids to be able to be good moral right and true and the only way that’s gonna happen is not if you sit back and say well it’s up to God God has placed you in charge and you have to step in and say here look you blew it and and I don’t want to have this conversation I mean I wish we could just have fun have a good time but you’re screwing up and you got to speak into their life so just know Abraham’s intent as a nine was not to harm Hagar and Ishmael it wasn’t to harm lot his wife and all their kids but ultimately his desire for peace trumped his desire for what’s good right and true and the nine has to talk about what’s moral good right and true over what’s peaceful because peace is not always the best thing especially when it negatively affects the people that God loves and cares about and that includes you and your family your friends and most importantly your church so the nine has to be declarative so how and how does an AI need to be real with self this is this is the big big big deal so write this down a nine needs to own and resolve their own feelings here’s the thing about a nine you’re so good at listening to everybody else’s soul you forget you have a soul you’re so good at listening everybody else’s feelings you forget your feelings the reason nines don’t declare how they feel is they’re so busy trying to maintain peace between everybody else they’re not thinking how does this make me feel what are my thoughts on this what are my feelings on this they’re trying to resolve everybody else’s feelings they negate their own feelings so you have to own and resolve your own feelings look people can’t know you and love you until you own your feelings and you declare that mean you say here’s how I feel here’s what I’m thinking man this really made me upset this really hurt my feelings and again if you’re a nine and you’re married to someone who’s not a nine you you just have to say this is really hard for me I don’t want to do this but this is for the best and I’m going to declare what I feel and think and what’s going on in my mind next right I feel like I’m just repeating myself but real with others so not only do you have to own your needs and feelings you have to make declarative statements I don’t like that I don’t agree I think we should go left and not right I think you know you’re wrong I think he’s right declarative statements are statements that are clear they’re not wishy-washy it’s not well I can see both sides it’s making a statement that everybody else understands you’re on one side or the other you have this feeling or not that feeling you either agree or you disagree you can’t leave any gray area the nine Lynne in the gray which is great for you but it drives the rest of us crazy so just say what you feel just say what you think and that’s important in being a Christian and being a child of God and being a mature adult here’s what I think so you got to make a declarative statement and embrace that conflict isn’t necessarily bad it’s not always bad and that their involvement can actually lead to the resolution here’s why we need nines involved you’re going to help bring about the peace but you can’t pretend there’s not a conflict for there to be peace and so you know in small group and conversations get awkward or weird or heated or whatever that’s when the nine needs to be active and typically what you do is you go hide in your shell like you’re a turtle fruit and you just disappear until the smoke clears and then you come out that’s when you need to be involved we don’t want the eighth’s to resolve it we don’t want the threes to resolve it we want the nines to speak and be declarative and help bring healing to the group and the problem is the people we need the most speak up the least and that’s a huge huge challenge so how to be real with God next you got to pursue faith with action please people are not gonna want to be real with you about this but laziness is a real thing it’s a real sin okay it is it affects you look maybe God gave you a slow motor that’s fine be an elephant so what that means is when you move you’ve got to be powerful but you have to pursue faith with action you have to actually do something God doesn’t just want you to think reflect or be a you know a yoga instructor right 9s are super spiritual and oftentimes they can mask their inaction with spiritual language so you can feel like they’re doing something but they’re not doing something so you’ve got to actually have faith and action so nines you can think something you can feel something you can believe something but you need to do something so pursue faith with action the Bible says this Romans never be lazy but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically serve the Lord enthusiastically use your gifts for the glory of God again you don’t have to be a sprinter but you do need to move you need to move for God and you need to work for God you can’t just sit back and let everybody else do it cuz the nines you got to watch that you will work yourself out of everything and have everybody else doing it so you’ve got to make sure that you are serving you are doing something so if you have been lying in your life let me give you some just helpful hints as how to love them and how to care for them number one this is huge create an environment where their voice is heard and it matters okay a nine is not going to want to speak up and let me tell you something if they do speak up and you shut it down and you slam it guess what they are never going to be honest with you again ever so you got to create an environment where you say hey your opinion matters literally when we’re having a staff meeting and I know they’re nines present I’ll say we’ve heard from everyone else now nine I need you to speak up or insist so you don’t make them panic just say hey guys I know the nines are gonna share anything at the end of the meeting I’m gonna ask the nine specifically to make declarative statements about what they thought and that you know they’re freaking out but I’m gonna want to hear from them because again the 3s and the eights and the 7s and some of the more boisterous you know personalities they’re gonna take control and we need to hear the nines to make sure we don’t miss something so create an environment so if you have a bunch of kids and you have a nine you got to make the other kids stop listen and let’s respect while the nine and our family speaks up because they matter and we care about them and we want to create an environment where their voice is heard so let me just say this if you’re nine and you grew up in a home where your voice didn’t matter and when you spoke up it was squashed look I’m sorry that happened we we need to come alongside to help you grow to create environments where you are heard and your voice does matter and again personalities like mine we’re overwhelming we tend to squash other ideas and so just let me say I’m sorry and I apologize for that you do matter to God and to us and we’re working at Sandals to create an environment where we hear from you because we need you so next don’t shield me from all conflict so if you’re married to a nine you can literally block all conflict from them and you’re not doing them a favor listen there’s conflict in life and conflict brings growth so you know if you become codependent and you’re constantly blocking your spouse or your child from every single difficult thing or from every conflict you’re not helping them you’re hurting them and just like lot right eventually guess what happens his wife dies his life is a disaster read about what happens to him Abraham should have spoken the truth not blocked conflict and just said look your people are just as responsible as my people for this conflict let’s sit down and figure a solution out that doesn’t involve breaking up the family because that was the solution ultimately that they came to so don’t shield me this is how you love a9 from all conflict but encouraged me to actively engage number three the next thing we need to do is celebrate with me as a nine when I finish projects okay it’s very difficult for 9s to finish projects nines and here’s a classic nine they will be working on 50 things and finishing zero things so when they finish something a term paper a dissertation a job a project something that you’ve asked them to do you need to celebrate that because it’s not unlike nines to say I’m gonna get to it I’m gonna get to it I’m gonna get to it I’m gonna get to it and they never get to it and it doesn’t mean they’re lying they have it the intent to get to it in their mind they believe they are gonna get to that but there’s so many other things that are in the way so celebrate with them when they finish something make a big deal on it don’t put them down once about time you finish something celebrate them and encourage them right I mean human beings we love to be rewarded when we do good things and so just say man that’s great you finished that project it’s great like a nine if you raise a kid they’re not gonna want to finish the baseball season they’re not gonna want to finish the soccer season so celebrate it don’t make them sign up again but celebrate it when they survive a season or they get through a difficult situation it’s really really important because people who can’t finish projects don’t finish life well and so we need to encourage that next don’t push Nine’s to sprint right like if you’re raising a nine maybe the track team isn’t for them I’m just saying that’s not a sport to involve them in now that’s not to say they don’t need to be active they don’t need to do something we told our kids you’re gonna do something active because we’re not raising couch potatoes we’re raising you know kids for Christ and so you got to do something you pick what it is and I told my kids this you pick or I pick and so a couple of Mike it didn’t pick so we picked so pick something but don’t push them to be sprinters especially if you’re a three I’m a three look here’s what I do on my time off the Ironman that’s what I do on my time off nine is probably not gonna do that you know they find watching an Ironman exhausting so just just know they gotta find something so if you’re married to a nine and you want to run together maybe walk together or maybe you run at a different pace together but that’s gonna create conflict because they just they just go at a different pace and that’s fine and just remember the old saying the tortoise and the hare right the hare Sprint’s but the tortoise is gonna finish and just know we got to encourage the nines in life like the tortoise to finish next this is huge thank me as a nine for my gift to see the other side of things I cannot tell you how much we need that wisdom in our world you know oftentimes think about the racial issue and the racial divide nines are great at seeing the perspective of blacks and seeing the perspective of whites and bringing us together seeing the perspective of men and seeing the perspective of women seeing the perspective of parents and kids right Republicans and Democrats this is a skill we need and so we need to thank them for their ability to see multiple sides of the same thing because a lot of us eat in black and white and nines their beauty is they can see in the gray and so again help help 9s help you to see both sides listen I love you as nines I care for you I want you to be declarative and I want you to get some stuff done in life God has called you he there’s a reason he chose Abraham because Abraham could get things done but when you read his story he kind of gets stuck at certain places and and he’s a hard hard time being declarative and just know your laziness not declaring literally can be terrible for the people that you love and and I want I want you to be able to declare and be truthful and clear about what it is that God’s calling you to be clear about so let’s close in prayer I got a prayer here for the nines those bow our heads and close our eyes lord help me to trust you in the midst of conflict help me to know my feelings and share them with others strengthen my will to do what I not what i strengthened my will to do what i want to do not what i want to do but what I need to do help me to share the spiritual depth that you have blessed me with heavenly father we’re so thankful for 9’s God they’re just such amazing people peaceful people Lord they’re spiritual gurus with such wisdom god I pray that their wisdom would be matched with action I pray this in Jesus name Amen

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